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2007-08-21 issue:

I’m all ears—and eyes and heart

Leadership column

by Sharon Waltner

Print Article

I wear many hats: I’m a mother, a farmer, a health-care consultant and moderator of Mennonite Church USA. As I’ve learned to balance wearing many hats, I’ve realized that wearing one hat can help me with the tasks I may encounter while wearing another.



I enjoy my work as a consultant because I get the chance to interact with people from diverse cultural, socioeconomic and educational backgrounds. I’m often amused at how frequently my professional circles overlap: my education in health care helps me speak to my work with Mennonite Church USA, and my Mennonite training in conflict transformation is an integral part of my work with health-care institutions. In these fields and in my “real job”—farming with my husband—I continue to be impressed at the importance of listening.

Some years ago I was called into a situation at a health-care facility where the housekeeping staff and their supervisor were at an impasse. The supervisor had clear instructions about where the wet cleaning mops should be placed. The housekeeping staff was vehemently opposed to the prescribed location. “The mops have always gone next to the floor basin when you’ve finished.” “If the mops are left out, they contaminate my work area.” The incident seemed petty enough at first, but because of poor listening skills the case of the misplaced mops escalated into a battle of Babylonian proportions. The department manager, the director of nursing and the facility CEO tried and failed to resolve this seemingly simple issue.

In exasperation, the CEO called me to mediate. We sat down, and I asked each participant to share his or her perspective—but not before they summarized the other side’s point of view in their own words. Even though I’d read Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication, which cites research that the time required to reach conflict resolution is cut in half when each negotiator agrees, before responding, to repeat what the previous speaker had said, I was still astonished at how quickly we discovered that the problem had nothing at all to do with who put which mops where. The point of contention was one of respect for and acknowledgment of the other. The housekeeping staff was hurt because the disregard their supervisor exhibited undermined their feelings of self-worth.

At the Kansas Institute for Peace and Conflict Resolution I met the Chinese character for the verb “to listen” (see below). My initial reaction to the character was the same as my reaction to most Chinese characters: Wow, that’s a lot of lines and squiggles. I can’t begin to fathom this beautiful complexity and that it actually means something.

As the facilitator unearthed the symbolism of the character, however, I was struck at the pictorial representation of what it means to truly listen. Obviously the ear is an important part of listening, but it is only one component. The eye, heart and undivided, undistracted attention all combine to make up not only the substance of the Chinese character but the very essence of this full-contact sport of listening.

Listening is hard work. It’s an endangered species in contemporary society, especially in our courtrooms and debates. Each side tries to make its point and hears the other side’s point only long enough to tear it down. Since attorneys and debaters rarely have to reach agreement or collaborate, it doesn’t matter how much ill will their “communication” generates.
Human nature is fragile. We crave to be heard, acknowledged and understood. The housekeeping staff and its supervisor cared little about where the mops called home but vociferously wanted to be acknowledged. Until each side engaged the ear, eye, heart and a sense of compassion, communication, true listening, stalemated.

I learned a lot that day. I learned that the art of listening takes practice. It’s exhausting. It comes more naturally for some than others. It is of singular importance for true communication, especially in Mennonite Church USA. I didn’t know I could learn so much from a bunch of squiggles and some dirty, wet mops. But I pray what I learned will help me pay attention to the whole of Mennonite Church USA as we move forward together, listening not only to each other but to God’s call to follow Jesus.

Sharon Waltner is moderator of Mennonite Church USA.

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