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2007-11-06 issue:

WEB EXCLUSIVE: ROMEOs are "Retired Old Men Eating Out"

Harrisonburg, Va., second chapter of original Indiana group

by Jim Bishop

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Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?

For an answer to that age-old question, Juliet need look no farther than the IHOP restaurant in Harrisonburg, Va., on Monday evenings or the Daily Grind in Park View on Friday mornings.














The ROMEOs at their weekly meeting at IHOP (left to right): Glendon Blosser, Harold Kuhns, Addison Brainerd, Dwight Hartman, Millard Showalter, Harold Huber. Absent:
H.D. Swartzendruber. Photo by Jim Bishop.

That's where you'll find the Harrisonburg, Va., chapter of the ROMEOs—an acronym for "Retired Old Men Eating Out."

The seven members of the informal group take advantage of IHOP's 50 percent senior discount on Monday nights, but that's not their main reason for gathering.

Each group member has lost the love of their life, through illness or accident, in recent years.

They enjoy the food and fellowship, tell stories and laugh, but most importantly, they give and receive support to help ease their lingering sense of loss.

In October 2005, Addison Brainard, Dwight Hartman, Charles Shenk and H.D. Swartzendruber from Park View Mennonite Church in Harrisonburg, Va., began meeting weekly at IHOP. Initially, Swartzendruber says, it was "four elderly gentlemen trying to save a few bucks with Monday night senior specials."

"We were a diverse group with differing personalities and professional backgrounds," he says. "But we knew each other to some extent at Park View and were each recently widowed, which proved to be the common bond that helped us to begin sharing on a personal level."

About a month later, Swartzendruber learned that a similar group of widowers who met regularly in Goshen, Ind., called themselves the ROMEOs. He shared this with his group; they decided to adopt the name and become the "Harrisonburg chapter."

"We ROMEOs are amused that the general public usually takes our name for a noun rather than an acronym, which suggests a slightly different reason for our bonding," he says.

In early 2006, Barbara Moyer Lehman, associate pastor at Park View, suggested that group members might benefit from meeting with Jim Glanzer, a counseling practitioner at Family Life Resource Center.

For nearly a year, the ROMEOS met Friday mornings at the Daily Grind coffee house in Park View with Glanzer. During this time, Harold Kuhns, another Park View church member, joined the group, followed by Harold Huber of Broad Street Mennonite Church, Harrisonburg, Va.

"Having a professional counselor leading the discussions who had also been widowed proved quite beneficial," Swartzendruber says. "Jim was able to draw us out to speak openly about things that we wouldn't generally share, even with close friends and relatives. "

As far as I know, we've all adhered to the the principle that 'what's said here stays here,'" he adds.

Glanzer no longer meets regularly with the group Friday mornings, but is welcome to come back any time.

In addition to Brainard, Hartman, Huber, Kuhns and Swartzendruber, other members are Millard Showalter from Lindale Mennonite Church, Harrisonburg, Va., and Glendon Blosser from Weaver Mennonite Church, Harrisonburg, Va.

"In general, men have difficulty sharing feelings on a deep level," says Showalter, who taught mathematics courses at Eastern Mennonite University, Harrisonburg, Va., for 32 years. "Women seems more comfortable in doing this, but, after losing a spouse, I feel like we become more vulnerable and open to talking about difficult issues."

"We don't talk a lot about our spouses, but the subject does come up, and we're able to process our feelings of loss and what it means to be alone," says Huber.

"We're a diverse group, but we get along amazingly well. I really look forward to meeting with these guys," adds Kuhns, a former electronics technician.

Along with their regular meetings, all group members credit their involvement in a variety of church and community programs as beneficial to encouraging a positive outlook.

The most recent member, Glendon Blosser, said he responded to an invitation to join. Blosser represents some 45 years of active church work, farming and currently teaches the
college-age Sunday school class at Weavers Mennonite "to stay abreast of what young adults are thinking."

Two charter ROMEO members recently found new companions and remarried. Charles Shenk moved back to Columbus, Ohio and go married late February this year.

Early September this year, Swartzendruber was remarried. The entire group attended the wedding held at Park View church and sat right up front. Just before the minister introduced the new couple, H.D. turned to the men and said, "Go thou and do likewise."

The group continues to meet twice a week. Monday evening, they say, is therapeutic "with much storytelling and hearty laughter." Friday morning is therapy "with serious sharing and discussion."

The men were unanimous in voicing enthusiasm for the twice-weekly encounters. And the nice thing, according to Blosser, is "Being retired, we're not in any hurry to eat and run."

Jim Bishop is public information officer at Eastern Mennonite University, a free-lance writer, columnist, photographer and radio announcer.

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