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2008-02-05 issue:

Women learn to set boundaries in caring

by Anna Groff

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While role-playing, women demonstrated how not to listen by “one up-ing,” giving unsolicited advice and curing instead of caring. Then they practiced effective listening and caring skills.



During an activity using construction paper to represent women’s life stories, Barb Borntrager shares her creation—a timeline of her life. Photo by Anna Groff.

Women of Virginia Mennonite Conference participated in this and other practical activities at the first weekend Sister-Care meeting, led by Rhoda Keener, executive director of Mennonite Women USA, in Harrisonburg, Va., Feb. 1-2.

Sister-Care trains lay women to become more effective in their caring in the church and encourages them to explore ministry. The “care” in Sister-Care stands for “calling our giftedness, attending (being present), resource sharing and encouraging.”

Rebecca Sommers, president of the Mennonite Women USA board of directors, said the main purpose of Sister-Care is to equip lay people. The meeting in Virginia served as a test for use in other conferences. The Mennonite Women USA board will discuss where next to take the Sister-Care training their board meeting in March.



Rebecca Sommers. Photo by Anna Groff.

With chocolate candy and flowers decorating the tables amidst quilt displays, the intergenerational group of women listened to sessions from Keener, participated in role-playing activities, watched skits and studied Shel Silverstein’s “The Giving Tree.”

During the afternoon session, Sommers shared her struggle with depression and provided a advice for women who can relate to her struggles. (This story will run in the Feb. 19 issue of The Mennonite.)

The “listening exercises are practical and helpful” said Mildred Stoltzfus of Park View Mennonite Church, Harrisonburg, Va.



Rhoda Keener. Photo by Anna Groff.

Keener used a story from an experience she had while traveling internationally to explain the need for settling clear boundaries while caring for others. After Keener had been ministered to and prayed for by a woman friend, Keener wept and felt vulnerable. At this moment, the woman who prayed told Keener that while spirituality is important, she has economic needs. She asked that Keener return to the United States to begin marketing dresses that she made to sell. Although Keener felt taken off guard, she said she would buy one dress, but that she cannot sell dresses.

“To open your heart means you also have to say no …when we build fences we can be free and we won’t need to ‘run away’ from people’s needs,” she said.

Keener first used the Sister-Care training session she created with a group of women from four churches in her conference, Franklin Mennonite Conference. They met monthly for nine months, and continue to meet. Keener decided the best way to test Sister-Care in another conference would be at a weekend retreat and then invite women participants to continue in their churches, working with their pastors.

Ninety women attended. Sommers said they were surprised with the turnout, as they were expected only 20-30 women. Evelyn Hertzler, Mennonite Women USA board member, also attended Sister-Care.

“I feel like we really need this because many women are working and can’t meet as they did in the past to share their needs and concerns,” Hertzler said. “Women still have the same needs.”

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  • Posted by Evvie at Thursday, February 14, 2008 at 11:06 AM

    Rhoda Keener's story was very helpful to me. I believe we need more examples like this of caring combined with healthy boundaries. Thank you for this wonderful article.