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2010-01-04 issue:

Forgiveness in the Balkans

Eastern Mennonite Mission worker witnesses reconciliation at milk co-op.

by Jewel Showalter of Eastern Mennonite Missions

Print Article

One day last September, when Hasan* and Mike* had finished testing and receiving milk at the community milk co-op, a new customer pulled up to the building. Mike is an Eastern Mennonite Missions worker.

As he walked toward the door to enter the center, Hasan turned suddenly and disappeared into the lab at the back of the building.

"Can you handle the new customer?" Mike, unsure of himself in the local language, called after Hasan. But Hasan didn’t appear.

Puzzled, Mike met the new farmer and managed to talk him through the process, welcoming him to bring milk to the co-op. Several more farmers arrived, and Mike momentarily forgot Hasan's strange disappearance.

Then he got a call from Ferhat,* the local co-op manager, inviting him out for coffee. Over coffee Ferhat explained Hasan’s strange disappearance. There was a longstanding "blood feud" between Hasan’s extended family and the new customer’s family. Four years ago, Hasan’s uncle had been attacked and stabbed by a member of the new customer's family.

Although the uncle hadn't died, he had been permanently disabled.

Under a centuries-old code of honor, Hasan's extended family is obligated to revenge the deed or they eternally shame the injured uncle and the entire family. Hasan had asked Ferhat if the milk center could refuse to accept milk from the new customer, minimizing his need to interact with and assist his family's enemy.

But as Mike and Ferhat talked they agreed they should not stop the man from bringing milk, and decided to talk further with Hasan.

After the three met for further discussion, Mike says, "It was a remarkable time of sitting with these two guys—Ferhat and Hasan. On the one hand, I knew I was in way over my head—talking about blood feuds and generational curses. But on the other hand, I knew I wanted to say something. I felt a lot like Moses, thinking, 'God, what can I possibly say?'"

As Mike listened to Hasan, he entered the pain Hasan still feels for his uncle, the desire he has that justice be done. From Hasan’s point of view, revenge is about justice. It makes more sense than forgiveness, which is a sign of weakness.

Mike says, "I told Hasan that God is the one who will carry out justice. Because of Jesus, God has forgiven us, and he asks us to forgive others who have wronged us. He gives us the power to forgive."

Mike encouraged Hasan to stand up to his relatives and encourage the family to forgive, to move on without seeking revenge.

"They'd never agree to that," Hasan countered.

Mike said, "Think of your wife, Saraya,* and your three little ones. Go home tonight, look at them, hug them and consider how they need you. If you take revenge, you may well be saying goodbye to the four who are nearest and dearest to you."

Before the men parted that night, they agreed they would not limit who brings milk to the center, but if the new customer came to the center again, Hasan would be excused from dealing with him. They reiterated that the co-op is committed to working for reconciliation among all peoples and saying no to violence and revenge.

Already the next morning the resolution was put to the test. The new customer showed up. Mike quickly excused Hasan, but to Mike's surprise Hasan responded, "I will stay. I can do this."

As Hasan and Mike worked with the farmer to test and receive the milk, the two local men never spoke to each other. Tension hung heavy in the air.

When the customer left, Hasan told Mike he had surprised himself that he’d been able to stay in the room and interact without initiating revenge.

Mike told him, "This is what God can do, if we ask him."

Later Mike said, "These last few days we've seen small but significant steps in our hopes and prayers to see people here transformed and reconciled to God and others."

The Eastern Mennonite Missions team in the Balkans, in partnership with Virginia Mennonite Missions, owns and operates the milk co-op.

Reader Comments

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  • Posted by Gerald at Monday, January 11, 2010 at 02:00 PM

    Fine story; thanks! It takes a lot of milk (and coffee and tea) to keep working at these tasks. May God be the strength of all who participate.

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